Inktober Day Cuatro

Inktober Day Cuatro

This is a very personal peice. Unfinished, sketchy, almost unraveled.

For Mental Health Day, I’m going to open up to you. As many do, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, depression, anxiety, and suffer from the shrill sting of loss, including the sudden death of my father and suicide of a close friend who was a like a big brother to me in a two month period. After years of being ostracized due to being considered an ugly freak by my piers, I hid in the library in middle school, and drew, firmly believing that I was a monster deemed unlovable, and I still struggle with this sometimes.

First go-through

‘Reindeer King’ was inspired by singer-songwriter, Tori Amos, drawn with Alfred, my ambiguously gendered Wacom Mobile Studio Pro.

Some minor edits

I’m very fortunate to have a multitude of influences who have graciously shown me love and support through the bumps and cracks, but there is one instance that comes from an unexpected place.

There’s a lyric that Eminem shouts in his collaboration with Rihanna, ‘Monster.’

“My OCD’s conkin’ me in the head.”

It’s hard for me to put it into words exactly how much this lyric means to me. I wept thorough tears of joy upon stumbling onto, bumped, toppled over it during an unlikely car ride. Suddenly, I was no longer alone in the industry I had always dreamed of becoming a part of but lacked the self-esteem and capabilty to believe in myself to do so. That’s all changed now.

To all who are going through their own daily tumbled lows, know that you are not alone. And, if you see someone in a state of dispair, don’t see them as broken, because they’re not. Everyone has struggles, their own battles to fight. Sit beside them, and listen to them.

It might really help someone.

Thanks.

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